I found myself across from the brink that ended the ruined road paved with word bricks, on the far side of the chasm of last month’s story. In the white void there I had been placing the symbols to see what energy form they materialized. Today I went to continue that work, but the process of laying them down felt overwhelmingly tiring. It required too much effort. All this meaning-making—for what? I no longer wanted even what the plain circle would produce—the symbol that had held the most promise. I didn’t want any structure, any limits.
I gave up trying. I found myself dissolving. I gave up the idea of boundaries, of imposing structure and meaning, and let go.
Into the light.
Now I was without form, part of the void, and at the same time I could observe my other self, the one in-form, who had been working with the symbols. I could see how that self—so tense!—spends her time with her head down, intensely, dutifully occupied in thinking and trying to work things out.
Just let go.
In this free, no-limits state of dissolved being in the light, how does it feel? Expansive. Relaxed. Not sad, but emotionally empty and unattached.
I’m where energy is before form. I’m in the void itself, the field I had been trying to impose structure upon. I have no desire at the moment to pull myself out of it. From this state, this other perspective, I can also observe the effect of the symbols I had been placing. The pentacle, for example, feels like an imposition of the human mind in its aspect of power-over, good and evil being illusions of separateness.
Why, in last month’s story, did the ankh create a forest? Why would the life force and consciousness be symbolized by trees? A tree is an expression of interconnectedness, of earth, air, climate, and water cycles, everything that enables the life community. A forest symbolizes life as it is liveable.
What then, was my role as a human arriving across the chasm in the new landscape of the void? From the perspective of the “I” dissolved in the light, an aspect of myself in form was consciousness evolved as part of the self-reflection and appreciation of the life force. The physical form of my body enabled that to be present.
Here’s how it evolved.
As a dissolved being in light, as that formless energy, before anything was created, “I” felt a longing to express. That longing popped into form as a little bird. It was a symbol of the pure life energy in form. So utterly tender and dear. Now the bird existed, it needed a place to land. So then, in order to care for the bird, “I” made a tree, then a forest, a pond and a river, and on and on, one thing after the other. The landscape thus appearing was vibrant and clean and full of life. But the bird, trees, pond, and river were of “thingness” and separate from me, and I longed to unite them again with me as spirit, that omnipresent energy in a formless state.
How could “I,” as no-form, be with the bird, now separated in “thingness”?
“I” made people to connect my mind into, and a bridge “I” could flow across, into the human present with the bird, and back into the eternal now.
Before long, it got complicated. When the access is open, the human knows the truth that is vastness, the love, and the relief of no separation, no duality. The human can recognize the part of the bird and self that has the godhead, the energy from source—and that the thingness, though distinct and subjective, is all from the same source. But then humans grew preoccupied with the thingness itself. They only looked down at what they were doing instead of connecting out to me, all around. If humans cut themselves off from the immensity, they are still powerful but small-minded.
As creator in the formless state, I made and opened up that bridge to humans. Now they are preoccupied with thingness and have forgotten the bridge, I could force it open again, but no: humans have free will and must choose it, must ask.
In the formless field of energy, there is my universal “I” and also the possibility of innumerable “I”s because the field is latent possibility. The human can reach into these “I”s through the bridge access.
Once I had made the bird, and then the trees, river, pond, and so on, I couldn’t leave the bird. I was very drawn and connected and attached to all I had brought into form. Humans also. I love it all.
Love is awakened from the cool unattached realm when something comes out of it into form. The bird appeared out of my longing to express; then love was activated by its creation.